The Unwritten Rules of Dining at Fogo de Chão
I have to resist my urge to visit Fogo de Chão regularly. It’s not that I don’t want to, but rather that I tend not to show much discipline there, and there’s not enough Lipitor in the world to help me survive regular feedings. Nevertheless, I’ve visited twice in the last month, first for a birthday lunch (market table only) with my brother, and then for an all-out birthday extravaganza for my nephew shortly thereafter. If you haven’t seen a herd of 16 year-old boys attack the gaucho lifestyle, you haven’t lived – and if you do get caught in that maelstrom I highly recommend that you keep your arms, legs and other extremities away from their gnashing teeth.
I’ve already written about how to maximize both a meat-laden visit and the market table (with or without meat), but these recent visits have gotten me thinking about how to further explain and enhance your next trip to Brazil’s little bit of culinary heaven. After experiencing lots of rookies and ne’er do wells booger up the process, I thought it was high time to explain the “unwritten rules” that’ll make the experience better for all.
Waste Not, Want Not – For a first-timer, there’s complete sensory overload, with meat-on-a-sword and all sorts of other options flying around. It’s ok to try everything, but just because it’s included in your tab, don’t take what you won’t eat. Patience is the name of the game. Once you find a meat or meats that you like, take a little each time it passes by and you’re ready for more. Substitute in small-portion trips to the salad bar. They’re not going to run out of food – you don’t have to hoard it.
Clean Plate Club – Each time you go to the market table, get a fresh plate. This will help you separate flavors and it’s also just a matter of hygiene courtesy. Just like they’re not going to run out of food, they won’t run out of dishware, either. After a few rounds of meat, ask for another plate there, as well. It’ll allow you to get rid of whatever scraps you have left over, and also catch your breath and recuperate before the meat coma sets in.
Use the Disc – The gauchos used to respect the tabletop discs a little more – stopping when they were turned to red and coming at you like a blitzing linebacker when set to green. Now sometimes it seems like they keep on coming. Still, take your time and turn it to red occasionally to give yourself a break and to enjoy your companions’ company without slicing knives in your face.
Ask Away – Is there a meat you particularly liked? Are you out of one of the side dishes? Don’t go without. Ask a gaucho or one of the many wait staff and other employees to bring it your way. They work their asses off to please you but sometimes you just get on a bad rotation and keep getting the same things over and over and over again.
Pay for What Your Take – While we generally get the whole kit and caboodle (market table plus all of the meats) there are times when you’ll get just the market table, or the market table and one meat, or people at your table will be on differing plans. Be honest about what you’re entitled to and don’t share with friends who didn’t fully ante up. Fogo is not inexpensive, but it can be an exceptional value, so treat them the way you’d want to be treated as a business owner.
Use the Tongs – When the gaucho goes to slice meat for you and indicates that it’s time to move it to your plate, use the tongs to remove it from the skewer. DO NOT use your fork, which you just salivated all over. I’m not a germophobe but your slobber shouldn’t get all over someone else’s meal.
Which Rotation – I’m never sure whether to go clockwise or counter-clockwise at the market table. I’m sure there’s one way that’s more efficient or socially acceptable but I haven’t figured it out. Still, if you get there and it’s even semi-crowded, go with the majority flow. If you swim against the tide it just causes problems and confusion.
Keep it Moving – At the market table, don’t obsess over every leaf of lettuce or individual piece of cheese or meat. You’re slowing the line down, man. It’s not that critical to get it exactly right. I know I said above not to waste, but that extends to my time as well as the food itself.
Don’t Linger – If you are at the restaurant when it’s busy, and tables are at a premium, don’t sit and yap it up for hours after you’re done eating. I’m not telling you to rush, because you might have a Ditka-level heart attack heading out, but don’t clog up a table endlessly. They make their money on turnover and if you’re just sitting there you’re depriving a customer of meat greatness and the restaurant of some of its income.
Tip Well – You won’t have a single server at Fogo – you’ll potentially have dozens of them – and they work their butts off. I’m sure their feet kill them at the end of the night from hustling. Again, this is a good value meal, with service to match, and the good attitude of the wait staff should be properly rewarded with appropriate gratuities. If you can afford the meal, you can afford the tip.
